ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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