well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
