3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
