when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
