Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
