I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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