im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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