Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
