just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she peed on how many people?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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