you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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