OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will pee on everything he values.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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