did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
