I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
