'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
