i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
