In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
