I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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