is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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