Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize