Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
