I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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