I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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