just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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