I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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