evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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