also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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