my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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