DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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