I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't deserve a penis
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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