so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
