They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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