worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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