My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize