She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
