First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize