Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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