You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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