omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
