My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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