just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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