Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
