The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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