I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
