he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
