I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
