I think my fart just growled at me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
