What a fucking waste of an outfit
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
