Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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