ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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