Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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