Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Houston, we have a blender
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
