At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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