looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
