Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I enjoy the company of your penis
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
