Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
