If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
