RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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