I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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