I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
