i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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