I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
