I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
