Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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