I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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