apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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