I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
