Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
