Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
