Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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