never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
