Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
