Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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